Health in relationships: when to break up.
Relationships are hard. You probably have heard that many times, and perhaps you have wondered “why?” Love should not be complicated. Yet, the reason why “relationships are hard,” is because as individual human beings, each of us is complex and unique. Yes, we all have things in common, and many of us try to understand ourselves better and connect to one another by looking for ways in which we are similar.
I would prefer to delve further into those qualities in a different blog, since in this one we are going to be focusing on some reasons to break up if you have been in a relationship in which things have been feeling off for a while. Consider all these points before having a heart-to-heart conversation with your partner about your feelings.
You feel like you do not have a friendship with your partner.
Being with someone is not only about compatibility, is way beyond that. A romantic relationship is about sharing: time, company, space, joy… All the good things, and having someone there to support you on your dreams and when you’re feeling down. If you have been in a relationship for several months and you feel like “you are buddies” but not friends, then it might feel like you lack a legitimate connection.
Most of the time, that “chemistry” becomes more of “familiarity” feeling, meaning you are used to the person and while there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, you might be overseeing or choosing to ignore some flaws that you would usually not prefer to have in a partner. Ask yourself if that comes out from a place of love and genuine appreciation, as opposed to out of a sense that you do not see this as a long-term relationship “anyway.”
Your goals and values do not align.
Even further than getting along, and more important than having a friendship, it is very important to know where is the relationship going. It’s always a good idea to ask someone new what are they looking for, to see if your expectations align. It’s good to have fun, yet you also have to be mindful and sensitive to your partner’s goals and feelings and ask them what they’re looking for. Protect your heart, and protect theirs!
Now, if you both have been together for a while and this topic still has not been brought up, do not be afraid to bring it up. At the beginning of a relationship we all want to live in the moment and be present, and while that is important to avoid any pressure, perhaps you have found out that you either want or not something more.
There is some form of violence or abuse.
This last one does not need any further explanation. Any form of physical aggression is never a good sign, coming from any gender. It’s normal to have occasional disagreements and arguments, yet one should never even think about hurting their partners physically.
It’s one thing to have a rough patch in a long-term relationship, but if you have been experiencing some sort of anxiety related to the relationship or have been overthinking it, there might be a reason why. Observe the dynamics between you and your partner: does anything feel fake or too “fabricated?” Do the little things begin to annoy you, or feel less tolerant to your partner? It’s time to have a conversation.